Just don't understand but I don't try to understand anymore. Accept it. If it's always gonna be like this,  it sure is. no matter how hard you try. It's a destiny, so let it be. Yes, I doubt, but what else can I do? So let it be like it always be. Yes, it's the pressure.  And I really don't like this kind of pressure. It's a pressure you put onto yourself and expect other persons to see it. Then what? Disappointed? Yes! 

I think I tried my best, but it was not good enough. In some moment I felt they didn't like me. I feel so soar in my heart. My muscles want to work more. I want to do more. I want to go beyond this point. 

But yes, I keep telling myself that I have to accept it. It's the life lesson that can't be avoided. My heart doesn't listen. It keeps asking why, why, why?

I believe in myself. I believe I can do it. And I believe what I did was good enough. Even better than someone they liked. So what's wrong?

I totally understand Amy's feeling. I hated her. She hated me. And now I hate myself cause I'm disappointed. Oh, dear, it's the jealousy I know. 

Maybe this path is not mine. Something turn out to be foul.